i was with alec and we were on a soccer team but we were playing against a british team so the rules were really different. in the game you could use your hands and toss the ball around and pick it up and run with it. so i guess it was more like rugby. the game was a charity event to raise money for some disease, or veterans, or something.
a bunch of other people were on the team; kody, megan, ben, and others i don't remember. i wasn't on the starting team and neither was megan. on the bench she was talking with my brother and ignoring me. while i watched the game our team was not playing well, we kept doing all these extravagant and pointless moves and not just scoring easy goals. we kept missing shots by just a few inches.
then it started to rain and the field got muddy. megan was still ignoring me until i made a joke about how maybe everyone in the game actually had diseases which is why we never scored. she laughed at that. after i said that they played a video of a helicopter crashing and the pilot dying on the stadium big screen. i guess we were playing for him.
next it is after the game and i am putting on my clothes at home. that day i had gotten a new bra in the mail and so i go to put it out, but it's more of a sports bra that will leave me looking flat. this upsets me a lot. so i take off the bra i am wearing and put on the new one and then the rest of my uncomfortable clothes. i look at myself in the mirror for a long time and wonder why i never noticed that i wore women's clothes before.
i was with Ryan walking around a hotel and a little kid came up to us and asked us if we wanted to see magic trick. we said sure and the kid told ryan to take the gum he was chewing and split it into three parts and put it into this bowl he was holding that had three separate segments in it. ryan did this and then the kid told him to hold up his middle three fingers and point them up in the sky, and when ryan looked back down his gum was in one piece again. we said it was a good magic trick and then ryan started to tell the kid how magic wasn't real and that was just an illusion or trick and it started to make the kid cry.
so we left in a hurry and went to the bathroom where i took a piss. the toilet was a huge room that sloped down to a drain in the middle and you just pissed into this empty room, and there was a mirror across from me and when i looked at it i looked like my dad. i was too tall for the mirror so i couldnt see my face, so i bent my knees to see it and then i was back to looking like myself again. i realized i was pissing all over my hands but i didn't really care.
then i was in a car with two women who i don't remember. i was crossdressing in a small black dress and high heels. we were walking around the outside of a giant mall at night and i kept asking if my bus station was in there but the women i was with were too drunk to answer me so i just followed them around.
i don't remember most of my dream but what i do recall is this:
galileo is in a room sitting before an organ made completely of glass and crystals and it is connected to a telescope. right before he begins to play he says something really grand and epic which i forget now, but it had something to do with while he plays music the gods below and above weep or something. so he starts to play this really abrasive haunting music that powers the telescope so that he can see every distant planet
then it was this really great montage of the planets in our solar system spinning to this incredible music and as the music picked up and got more intense the planets began spinning faster and faster until it all sort of just ended in noise
there was also a part of my dream about bathrooms and showers, but that's all i remember.
it feels so selfish to cry a slight swerve into the side of the road iced and solid so strong packed down hard into the ground my chest heaves into the wheel all i can see is the fleshy white of your breasts and imagine soft nipples in my mouth it feels so selfish to get hard pulling quietly to the side of the road short breaths short breaths the car is cold and i am hanging in the air in front of me clinging to the windshield left blinker clicking in the silence pulling back onto the road it feels so selfish to be writing this down