Saturday, March 6, 2010

i've been obsessing over the brains chemical cycle
and how it rockets and dives in bright violence
every time we orgasm
and how i pile these peaks and valleys on one another
creating a jagged landscape in my mind
rocky harrowing heights for a synapse to climb
and then a 500 meter drop off for my thoughts to falter off
and so it makes it feel all the worse when i get off in the shower
my stomach glowing red and little beads of sweat gathering
at the edge of where my forehead meets hair
and i can't quite remember if i said your name out loud when i climaxed
to feel the chemicals drag me down the drain
to watch half myself go down the drain
every time i get off
megan makes me wonder what it means to get this off my chest
and where all my anxities go when i pour them out onto paper or through keys
does she absorb me when she reads me? does whitney still cry?
does my mom have this page bookmarked as a way to try and get close to me?
how come i can only write about women? i need to turn my libido off
i guess this is me trailing off
i miss jackson and his slender frame and awkward elbows
and the way he made me feel like a central character in anything
and he was a cronie and a sidekick and more trustworthy and reliable then i ever
allowed him to be
nostalgia for a seattle summer and walking down to the fishery building
for creative writing and then loud laughs on the walk home
how often did i split off

guess i am trailing off now

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