Sunday, October 7, 2007

Her Memory [55 word essay]

He woke up invisible. He could not be heard, smelled, or touched. Truly invisible. For the first time he felt whole, calm, aware. He immediately thought of her and left.

He remained in her room for weeks, months, years, until his skin turned into dust and his organs were cobwebs. He was only her memory.

11 comments:

Rebecca said...

That was different.
verb usage was ok. nouns too. maybe you could use a few stronger words.
i like the imagry. it does make sense overall after you read it. god job.

Josh said...

God verb and noun usage. This is a really interesting story, it makes me wonder if he is a ghost or just something in her head that she thinks about.

Alisha said...

Wow, this is awesome. I've just read this about three or four times...In the first two sentences you have words that appeal to four different senses. (Invisible, heard, smelled touch.) That's just incredible. Oh, and since most of those are verbs, extra props because that's the main focus for today.

I think in total, I've read this about 7 times now. It's not like it's confusing or anything though, so don't worry, it's a good thing.

Great job.

Sam said...

Good use of verbs. It really helped me visualize this invisible person.

AnnieD said...

This is so cool! Your imagery is amazing. I thought your verbs and nouns were fine but I think this story is so intense that they could even be stronger.

Leanna said...

so my guess she she died. good short story. i like that it is in two parargraghs.

Melody_Anderson said...

its cool...but so far i don't really understand any of your work...i don't think alot of ppl do..but that can work to your advantage

sarah said...

interesting...very interesting. It did take a couple reads to fully comprehend and appreciate the word choice and verbs. I like the metaphor , "skin turned into dust and his organs were cobwebs" very nice job!

robyn said...

Wow, your verb and noun use has blown me away, your writing style is amazing, and this story is no different. the "he was only her memory" was a such a great line. good job.

mimi said...

This is very creative. You pretty much covered everything. There was detail and the conflict revealed at the end was a good twist.

agustina said...

This is really good cooper I can read it over and over. You can also use stronger image