Didn't need to say it.

it wasn't anything much
nothing special or unique
lovely or romantic
right or wrong
it was just something that happened
it was only physical
it was only skin tension
skin sensations

and sometimes eyes
but not very often
and not very alive

it was easier when you spoke it in a different language
when i didn't know what you were saying
i didn't want to
i could nod
lose interest
turn away
drift
breathe

it was easier

easier than leaving after every mapped strain
but not by much

and much harder than saying it back
impossibly harder
my body hostile against each word
lungs aching from stagnant well water
mind pierced blank by glass pitch tones
throat choking on that bitter taste of first ash
god it was hard

it hated that lie
it was repulsing / it rhymed
it was plastic / it had eyes
it was a face lift / it was disappointing
it was too loud / it was empty
it was ignorant / it was busy

i didn't need to say it