Sunday, September 23, 2007

48 seconds [life changed ver 1]

it's between the second chorus and the
final verse in your room on top of sheets
with the faint sound of summer dulled by thick walls
that i look across
my body and over to
you

you're nearing sleep
it's beautiful
trees after a mid day storm
beautiful
the sky getting lighter at 4 am
beautiful


and i realize that you have lungs that are taking in oxygen that moves into blood cells that course through veins pumped by a heart in the center of your chest that beats and warms the fingers resting on my chest and you have skin that is feeling the world around you and neurons in your brain that are firing off a thousand thoughts every second and eyes that see things in ways i can never understand

and they are all
fading
eroding
and disappearing
everyday

but for now you're willing to let that happen

its 48 seconds
beautiful

18 comments:

davis said...

I think that you are very creative, i really liked this poem

Josh said...

I enjoyed you're description of a human, although I didn't really understand what the rest of the poem was about.

said...

this poem is very descriptive and I feel like it moves me with every word that I read . i really like it and great job on your poem .

leanna said...

it is different but good. i am glad that you have been so creative.

robyn said...

My, God,
that was awesome!
You have such amazing writing talent,
and this poem is no exception.
I can't wait to read what else you put up here.

Melody_Anderson said...

i think its really..good..but u got too technical in some parts...it is really like..nice lol. great work

sarah said...

Wow this poem is really descriptive. I liked how you did like a continuous description of the body function stuff. There was definitely a sense of mystery about the poem which was a nice personal touch. Very nice job.

Mackenzie said...

I basically love the description you use. Especially the middle paragraph where you go through this, scientific? sort of process. It reminds me of CSI where they make this cool graphic of going inside a gorey wound. And that's what your poem reminded me of. In a non gorey way.

It's like you take something that should be awkward or humorous but you change it so it sounds (for lack of any better words at the moment) good

Cheree said...

Your amazing flow of words in the third section creates such a harsh point in the fourth when you use the shorter phrases. I love how separated it is.
Cheree

emz21 said...

i REALLY LiKE THiS P0EM... i REALLY LiKED ALL 0F THE DESCRiPTi0N. G00D j0B.

Alisha said...

Wow, this is awesome! I really love this poem. Really.

The way you're descriptive about the heart and everything, well it's kind of longer in a big chunk unlike the rest of it, but it goes together so it's alright.

I really liked the way you began this. It's so...I don't want to say unusual because people may think it's a bad thing, but it's different, I'll say. In a good way.

This is just...amazing.

Kaddy said...

Incredible poem Cooper. Its details and descriptions are unbelievable. I like the way its set-up. Great job

Rebecca said...

That was amazing.

the words felt like they were alive and moving. i loved your description of the humand and the heart.

i didnt understand the end though.

mimi said...

This is so great. You are an outstanding writer. The detail, the line breaking, it's all amazing. Don't change a thing.

Zoua said...

I like you poem! it is really great! it has really great descriptions!!! you are a really great creative writer!!!

Austin said...

hey cooper, i like your poem, its really cool how you have the repetition of the word "beautiful" in your poem, and i like the little chunk in the middle betweem your stanzas where its just like a paragraph but there is no puncuation and that makes it just flow, and i like that. you did a really great job!

Jenna said...

I really like all the details and descriptions that you used. You're poem is really good.

Cooper said...

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all the nice comments :). Also thanks for some criticism so I can hopefully improve this for my next draft.

For anyone wondering the last line is referring to song "Untitled #4" by the band Sigur Ros. So check that out if you want to see what I'm talking about.