sometimes i wake up

and my eyebrows are falling out

and the hair on my stomach is cemented down

held hard in unnatural bends

sometimes i wake up

and my arm is asleep and heavy heavy dead

cells spark up the feeling eventually

and i can rub the sleep from both eyes

sometimes i wake up

and my throat is full of mucus and i can't breathe

it hurts like i have been crying hard

or that i should have been

what do i choke back in my dreams?

sometimes i wake up

fetal and alone with a phantom body pressed to mine

i think about all the pretty pretty girls i am awful to

and how i won't be calling anyone today