dream journal

i am outside a low but wide and looming glass building that has been put on a sort of lockdown. i remember playing a physical sport something like soccer in the plaza in front of it in hopes that it would open up. i dont remember the exact mechanics of this but it eventually does open. once i am inside i look around and it's deserted minus some rubble and loose fires burning out.

some sort of creature that i don't know starts to come towards me, i remember each one having several different forms. one of them is something like a crustacean in a large black shell and its covered with a dark tar substance. another is a something that would be a smaller version of the lochness monster. i start to shoot at these things but they are coming i nlarger an dlarger numbers and i can't keep them back.

they push me back outside the building and into a corner of the plaza before they finally stop coming. none of them ever get close enough to touch me or harm me in any way.

i wake up from this and i am asleep on a large wooden stump in my grandparents yard. it's a really warm night in the summer. the moon is very full and bright and i am hiding my face under sheets so that i can sleep. i have headphones on and i am listening to something but i start to worry that i can't hear any nature that is around me. i get worried that some animal is lurking up on me. i take off my headphones and grab the sheets and stumble awkwardly towards the house nearby. i am in a hurry and i feel dizzy so i keep falling over. at the front door a large bear stands there waiting for me.

dream journal

i'm at my grandparents house and they are both still alive. it's a special day of the year but i dont remember which one. we have a family tradition on this day that we strip down naked and then walk and run through the forest. it's winter time so i'm partially afraid of being cold but mostly embarrassed about my body. it's early in the morning when this is about to begin and as the moment draws near my grandpa is making sure everyone is ready to go. it seems to mean a lot to him.

the moment comes and i take off all my clothes and start to walk through the darkness and into the woods. it's actually very peaceful and i don't even mind the cold. it's too dark to make anything out but i think i'm walking around with an uncle of mine.

after a while i am no longer in the woods but in the cul de sac where i grew up. the streetlights are all blaring orange light onto the sidewalks and roads and i am embarrassed about my body again. i can't find anyone else from my family. i'm starting to notice the cold more and more. i'm worried now that i am not clean so i pick up some snow and start rubbing it over my body. over my chest, arms, and ass.

my body is shivering now and i need a warm shower. there is a large shower head mounted on a streetlight in front of me and i turn it on. steaming water pours out immediately and i gain control back of my body.

my dream changes now and some of my friends show up who were taking part in the ceremony. i don't recognize any of them. they've gotten caught up in a role play where they are in a war and they start to hunt me. because we're friends they give me a minute head start and i run off the roads and into snowbanks and across fields looking for somewhere to hide. i find a hole with someone else in it, he begs me not to hide there but i have no choice. we're found almost immediately. i'm not sure what they do with the other person but they take me prisoner.

the next parts are a blur of traveling via a retro spaceship that seems to be an olds kid's ride that moves on rails, going to other worlds, and watching them hunt other people and things. at some point they all end up dying except for one. i don't remember how it ends.

my dream changes again and i'm back at my grandparents house. i'm younger again and i'm resting my head on my brothers chest. it's so comfortable and feels right. i kiss him on the neck.

then i wake up

there is something fertile in 20 west

something Here

in the rusting hydrants waiting for their fire

and the lights that are hanging

hanging themselves from the wires

i dream

i am masturbating

in the middle of a hotel room

standing between two beds

sleeping friends occupy them both

i am limp and want so bad to come

but someone turns over in their sleep

and i am gone

i dreamt

of having viscious sex with you

you were eight months pregnant

and i don't know why

i dreamt

of creating a landscape painting

with a deep purple sun set

and blurry black animals in the foreground

with white stitching eyes

i dreamt

of drawing a self portrait

with an erratic and vague outline

of my soft body

but an intricately shaded image of my nose

it was meant to represent smell

and the clarity it brings

to memory

straight edge

carved into a rusting bridge

in a weed filled town

in my new jagged home

oh i

eighty on ninety four

your cracking tar is the fragile branch

for my timid little claws to inch out on

do you sway so easily?

do the whistling winds bend your western reach?

or will weighty water drips tip your

end into an early earthen bed?

no, you grow and flow towards the east

a sense of the sun's subtle warmth

a blooming expansion outward

oh i

eighty on ninety

little feathered wings in a whirling flurry

do they ever tire?

where do i land?