Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Matrix 2 [V3]

“Listen, Frank, I appreciate what you’re sayin’ but the Giants don’t stand a lick of a chance against the Superbas this year. I can feel it already, back to back to back pennants,” Daniel said, tossing some dusty rocks into a wheelbarrow with a wide smile.

“Daniel, you’re a regular bonehead, you know that? The Giants have the pennant in the bag with Davis at short. A solid defensive shortstop is all a ball club needs,” Frank replied through a full beard as he wiped his calloused hands on his crusty overalls and stood up, looking down at Daniel.

“Ah, my dear older brother, though I will agree that a hanging defense is a necessity, what respectable ball club doesn’t have a decent pitcher?” Daniel shot back, holding an index finger up in the air then pointing it accusingly at Frank’s chest to emphasize his point, his blue eyes alive with energy.

“Mathewson is a killer pitcher. His fadeaway is gonna have your precious Keelerhit and the rest of Brooklyn fanning all season. He’s twice the pitcher that double crossing Rusie ever was,” Frank responded, slapping Daniel’s hand away from his chest.

“That’s a load of bunk. Mathewson isn’t worth a jitney. At least with Rusie the Giants were a challenge. No, Mathewson is no Rusie, and he is certainly no McGinnity. Now there is a pitcher worth talking about. Truly the Lord in Heaven has touched that boy’s arm. A true Superba. A true Dodger.” Daniel said, making a sign of the cross over himself and closing his eyes in mock prayer.

Frank shoved him in the shoulders, “Dammit, Daniel, you shouldn’t be sayin’ things like that!”

Daniel stumbled backwards and tripped over a toolbox, landing hard on his back. He glared up at Frank, “Lay off, no need to go getting so snarky about it. I didn't mean any offense by it, you schmuck.” Daniel held out his hand for Frank to help him back up, “All I’m saying is that 1901 is gonna be another winning year for the Brooklyn Superbas. That’s all there is, there ain’t no more.”

As Daniel was helped up he looked up into the air, squinting from the painful brilliance of the summer sky. He ran his eyes over the steel rods that were the framework of the building that he and Frank were on construction for. Daniel thought they looked like bony fingers reaching up from the earth, trying to grab the sun. “I can’t believe anyone thinks ol’ Burnham’s Folly will stay up, it’s a God damned triangle for crying out loud. Nothing that high will ever stay up. ”

“You shouldn't take the Lord's name in vain like that. Mom wouldn't like it and you know I hate it." Frank added with a tone of grave seriousness.

Daniel, realizing the sudden turn in the conversation, turned to face his brother."Ya know Frank, I can't believe you still buy into that crap. God is dead. Everyone knows it."

All the joviality of the previous conversation was gone now. "Shut up with that. If Mom heard you talking like that she'd call you out on the carpet."

Frank had never understood Daniel’s outlook on religion. He wasn’t like the rest of their Catholic family. He didn’t go to church on Sunday and say his prayers at night. Ever since he had started reading his philosophy books he had become completely defiant of the church and anyone who associated with it. He stopped attending church all together a few weeks back, saying he no longer had a need for that “house of false hope”.

Frank turned his back on his brother in frustration, returning to loading the rubble into the wheelbarrow.

They both worked in silence for an hour, too bitter at one another to be the first to break the silence. After many trips of moving the endless supply of bedrock to a pile away from the site, Frank looked up and saw an unfamiliar figure walking towards them. “Aw shit, here comes the new guy. I forgot we had some more hands comin' on today."

Daniel looked up as well, putting his hand over his eyes to block the sun, "Probably some just off the boat mick whose gonna slow us down like hell.”

The man walked up to them in his unstained work boots, fresh overalls, and white undershirt. His appearance was plain in almost every way other than a bright red cross with golden vines growing around it that was pinned to his overalls over his heart. His face was soft yet focused as he took short, awkward steps towards them. He looked as if his body was completely new to him and was still figuring out how to work it right. A look between Frank and Daniel expressed their collective concern. As he drew nearer they both noticed the man kept his eyes on the ground. Daniel hesitated a moment, then stuck his hand out towards the stranger.

"Name’s Daniel Avery and this here’s my side kick and brother Frank,” Daniel introduced, shaking hands and nodding his head towards Frank who had his hands on his hips presenting a tough front. “Pretty much what we do is take all this rubble here, and wheel it over there out of the way. It’s nothing hard and it’s good honest work for a man at 15 cents an hour. So what’s your name, fella?”

“John,” the man answered simply, in a quietly reserved tone.

“Well it’s nice to have you on, John. Now how about you help me and Frank toss some of these stones into the wheelbarrows and break our backs for the sake of progress?”

The three men went back to the pile, loading up rocks, and wheeling them over to the other pile further off site and dumping them. They went back and forth for hours as the sun rose higher into the sky, escaping the grasp of the rigid steel fingers of the forming Fuller Building. As the sun moved overhead the heat intensified and pushed heavily upon the construction workers, causing sweat to drip from their brows and their movement to become sluggish. The heat added more weight to each rock that needed to be lifted, and made the wheelbarrows harder to push. The wood of the handlebars grew white hot in the light making each back and forth trip a rite of passage for the workers.

Once while Frank was at the pile on the other side of the site, Daniel leaned against the cool dark side of a steel pillar that was near where he and John were working. He pulled his handkerchief from his pocket to wipe down his face, then once again stared up into the blue sky.

“So what do you think of all this, John?”

John kept his eyes down, focusing on piling more stones into his cart, giving no indication that he had heard Daniel.

“People see this building going up and think it’s a regular humdinger. People like Frank who are too close minded to see it for what it is. 'A lollapalooza. A crowning achievement of modern society,' they say, but I don’t see that at all.” Daniel looked back over to John to look for a response, but got none.

Daniel continued, speaking to the sky. “No, I don’t see at all what they see. This skyscraper is exactly that, it’s grating against the world. Once we finish this building and all the others like it they will tear a hole in the sky, like a knife pressed against soft flesh, and all Hell is gonna pour out. All this industrializing isn’t good for man’s soul. Those false prophet tycoons with their material goods are all corrupting society. Rockefeller’s oil and Judah’s railroad, they’re all just new avenues for slave-morality. Nietzsche got it all right.”

Daniel seemed completely outside of himself now. His voice grew louder as his blue eyes became watery and pupils dilated. “The loss of human dignity today as we are sent into the industrial shops is horrifying. Men falling into meat grinders, children losing fingers to harsh chemicals, it’s unnatural. There’s godless cement spreading out of the cities like blood from a dead animal. But no one gives a shit. Everyone’s letting their eyes adjust to the darkness of the machine world as they move out of God's light. Everyone’s become worse than the most brutal tribes of the wild, more ruthless than jungle law. Everyone is biting and scratching to get one more penny ahead in life at the expense of every paddy and ginzo that stands in their way, the f***ing will to power. Manifest Destiny and the American Dream have become man’s dying words, the words that killed God...”

Daniel suddenly trailed off realizing that he had just spilt so much of his inner anxieties to this stranger. He turned back to see John’s reaction and saw that John was standing up, staring directly at him with powerful, ethereal eyes. Daniel opened his mouth to speak but lost the air in his lungs. He stammered silently, slack jawed, and fell still. They stared at each other for a few moments before Frank returned and broke the intensity.

“Hey Daniel, let’s hotfoot up to Hanley’s and get a pint before headin' home.”

Frank set his barrel down and walked away without looking up, leaving John and Daniel to continue staring at one another. After a moment, John slowly nodded and turned away, walking into the distance. Daniel fell to his knees, his eyes still unblinking, as small tears began to form in his bright blue eyes.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Matrix 2 Part 1 [V2]

“Listen, Frank, I appreciate what you’re sayin’ but the Giants don’t stand a lick of a chance against the Superbas this year. I can feel it already, back to back to back pennants,” Daniel said, tossing some dusty rocks into a wheelbarrow. He was a younger man in his early 20s and gave off an energetic aura. He was smiling wide as he often did, his bright blue eyes alive with excitement and youth.

“Daniel, you’re a regular bonehead, you know that? The Giants have the pennant in the bag with Davis at short. A solid defensive shortstop is all a ball club needs,” Frank replied as he wiped his calloused hands on his crusty overalls.

“Ah, my dear older brother, though I will agree that a hanging defense is a necessity, what respectable ball club doesn’t have a decent pitcher?” Daniel shot back, holding an index finger up in the air then pointing it accusingly at Frank’s chest to emphasize his point.

“Mathewson is a killer pitcher, you goop. His fadeaway is gonna have your precious Keelerhit and the rest of Brooklyn fanning all season. He’s twice the pitcher than that double crossing Rusie,” Frank responded, slapping Daniel’s hand away from his chest.

“Pardon me, but that is a load of bunk. Mathewson isn’t worth a jitney. At least with Rusie the Giants presented a challenge. No, Mathewson is no Rusie, and he is certainly no McGinnity. Now there is a pitcher worth talking about. Truly the Lord in Heaven has touched that boy’s arm. A true Superba. A true Dodger.” Daniel said, making a sign of the cross over himself and closing his eyes as if in mock deep prayer.

Frank shoved him in the shoulders, “Dammit, Daniel, you shouldn’t be sayin’ things like that, you blasphemous louse!”

Daniel stumbled backwards as he was much smaller than Frank, and tripped over a toolbox, landing hard on his back. He glared up at Frank, “Lay off, no need to go getting so snarky about it, you schumck. I didn't mean any offense by it, you religious nut.” Daniel held out his hand for Frank to help him back up, “All I’m saying is that 1901 will be another winning year for the Brooklyn Superbas. That’s all there is, there ain’t no more.”

As Daniel was helped up he looked up into the air, squinting from the painful brilliance of the summer sky. He ran his eyes over the steel rods that were the framework of the building that he and Frank were on construction for. They looked like bony fingers reaching up from the earth, trying to grab the sun. “I can’t believe anyone thinks ol’ Burnham’s Folly will stay up, it’s a God damned triangle for crying out loud. Nothing that high will ever stay up. ”

“You shouldn't take the Lord's name in vain like that. Mom wouldn't like it and you know I hate it." Frank added with a tone of grave seriousness.

Daniel, realizing the sudden turn in the conversation, squinted his eyes at his brother."Don't bring God into any of this, Frank. I can't believe you still buy into that crap. God is dead, everyone knows it."

All the joviality of the previous conversation was gone now. "Shut up with that bunk. If Mom, God rest her soul, heard you talking about that she'd call you out on the carpet."

Frank had never understood Daniel’s outlook on religion. He wasn’t anything like the rest of their Catholic family. He didn’t just go to church on Sunday and say his prayers at night. Ever since he had started reading Nietzsche he had become completely defiant of the church and anyone who associated with it. He stopped attending church all together a few weeks back, saying he no longer had a need for that house of false hope.

Frank turned his back on his brother in frustration, returning to loading the rubble into the wheelbarrow.

They both worked in silence for an hour, too bitter at each other to be the first one to break the silence. After many trips of moving the endless supply of bedrock Frank looked up and saw an unfamiliar figure walking towards them. “Aw shit, here comes the new guy, I forgot we had some more hands comin' on today."

Daniel looked up as well, putting his hand over his eyes to block the sun, "Probably some just off the boat mick whose gonna slow us down like hell.”

The man walked up to them in his yet unstained work boots, overalls, and undershirt. His appearance was plain in almost every way other than a bright red cross with golden vines growing around it that was pinned to his overalls over his heart. Daniel and Frank both watched him approach, analyzing what kind of worker he would be from his demeanor. His face was soft yet focused looking as he took short, awkward steps towards them. He looked as if his body was completely new to him and was still figuring out how to work it right. A look between them expressed their collective concern. As he drew nearer they both noticed the man’s powerful eyes that seemed to stare right past them. Daniel hesitated a moment, then stuck his hand out towards the stranger.

"Name’s Daniel Avery and this here’s my side kick and brother Frank,” Daniel introduced, shaking hands and nodding his head towards Frank who was still looking at the man’s eyes. “Pretty much all we do is take all this rumble here, and wheel it over there out of the way. It’s nothing hard and it’s good honest work for a man at 15 cents an hour. So what’s your name, fella?”

“John,” the man answered simply, in a quiet reserved tone.

“Well it’s nice to have you on, John. Now how about you help me and Frank toss some of these stones into the wheelbarrow and break our backs for the sake of progress?”

The three men went back to the pile, loading up rocks, and wheeling them over to another pile further off site and dumping them. Back and forth for hours as the sun rose higher into the sky, escaping the grasp of the rigid steel fingers of the Fuller Building. As the sun moved overhead the heat intensified and pushed heavily upon the construction workers, causing sweat to drip from their brows and their movement to become sluggish. The heat added more weight to each rock that needed to be lifted, and made the wheelbarrows harder to push. The wood of the handlebars grew white hot in the light making each back and forth trip a rite of passage for the workers.

Once while Frank was at the pile on the other side of the site, Daniel leaned against the cool dark side of a steel pillar that was near where he and John were working. He pulled his handkerchief from his pocket to wipe down his face then once again stared up into the blue sky.

“So what do you think of all this, John?”

John kept his eyes down, focusing on piling more stones into his cart, giving no indication that he had heard Daniel.

“People sees this building going up and think it’s a regular humdinger, people like Frank who are too close minded to see it for what it is. 'A lollapalooza, a crowning achievement of modern society.' they say, but I don’t see that at all.” Daniel looked back over to John to look for a response, but received nothing.

Daniel continued, speaking to the sky. “No, I don’t see at all what they see. This skyscraper is exactly that, it’s grating against the world. Once we finish this building it will tear a hole in the sky, like a knife pressed against soft flesh, and all Hell is gonna pour out. All this industrializing isn’t good for man’s soul. False prophet tycoons with their material goods are corrupting society. Rockefeller’s oil and Judah’s railroad, new avenues for slave-morality. The loss of human dignity as we all come to America and are sent into the industrial shops is horrifying. Men falling into meat grinders, children losing fingers to harsh chemicals, it’s unnatural. Godless cement spreading out of the cities like blood from a dead deer. But no one gives a shit; everyone’s letting their eyes adjust to the darkness of the machine as they move out of God's light. Everyone’s become worse than the most brutal tribes of the wild, more ruthless than jungle law. Everyone is biting and scratching to get one more penny ahead in life at the expense of every paddy and ginzo that stands in their way, the will to power. Manifest Destiny and the American Dream have become man’s dying words, the words that killed God.”

Daniel heard that John had stopped piling rocks and turned looked back to him for his reaction. To Daniel’s surprise John was standing erect, staring directly at him with his powerful, ethereal eyes. Daniel opened his mouth to continue but lost the air in his lungs. He stammered, slack jawed, then fell silent. They stared at each other for a few moments before Frank returned and broke the intense silence.

“Hey Daniel, quit chewin’ the fat and let’s hotfoot up to Hanley’s and get a pint before headin' home.”

Frank set his barrel on the ground and walked away, leaving John and Daniel to continue staring silently at one another. After a moment, John slowly nodded and turned away, walking into the distance. Daniel fell to his knees, his eyes still unblinking as small tears begin to drip down onto his cheek.

This I Believe Final

“The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth”
-Chinese Proverb

“It’s beautiful, all of it, isn’t it?”

The words drifted from my Grandpa through the thick, steamy July air and settled down all around us. He had a far off look in his eye that someone gets whenever they turn away from the outside world and back in onto their own thoughts, as if being told a secret.

Our little boat was meandering around the anchor we had sent down into the cold Ranier depths as we waited for the fasting fish to break their spiritual resolutions. We had both taken our shirts and socks off to try and cope with the heat, hoping the sweat on our skin would pick up the slightest hint of the absent breeze. The air was stagnant and had a sticky but fresh smell from the looming pines of a nearby island. The sun was high overhead, pulsating heat through the vacant blue sky. The rocking of the boat had lulled me into a balmy haze when my Grandpa's words sleepily reached my ears.

He saw being in nature as more than just pastime recreation, something there to be used for our own means of entertainment. To him it was an art and a connection to something deeper. All around my grandparent’s house, located on the northern rim of Minnesota, there were vast and expansive woodlands and fields to wander through. He would teach me about all the wildlife and fauna that we passed. I was stunned when he explained how everything was in its right place, how everything relied on everything else to survive, and how each blade of grass, half-buried stone, and piece of bark was a miracle all its own. He also said that people had their own place along these things. I asked him where that was and he said that he was still trying to find out.

When his words reached me on the boat, I took them in as part of the world that was all around us, the world that my Grandpa had taught me to love. It blended in with the soft lapping of waves against the hull, the hushed rustle of branches caught in the wind, and the distant whir of a boat engine heading out into the glassy waters. It was just one watery breath among the cataract that is the whispered secret of nature. When I glanced to see if he had anything more to say, he looked back at me with an simple smile and asked, “Well, my boy, isn't time that we get going?”

My Grandpa believed that we all had a place in this world and that all we had to do was listen carefully to find out where it was. It is his belief that now lives on in me.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Matrix 2 [V1]

“Listen, Frank, I appreciate what you’re sayin’ but the Giants don’t stand a lick of a chance against the Superbas this year. I can feel it already, back to back to back pennants,” Daniel said, tossing some dusty rocks into a wheelbarrow. He was a younger man in his early 20s and gave off an energetic aura. He was smiling wide as he often did, his bright blue eyes alive with excitement and youth.

“Daniel, you’re a regular bonehead, you know that? The Giants have the pennant in the bag with Davis at short. A solid defensive shortstop is all a ball club needs,” Frank replied as he wiped his calloused hands on his crusty overalls.

“Ah, my dear older brother, though I will agree that a hanging defense is a necessity, what respectable ball club doesn’t have a decent pitcher?” Daniel shot back, holding an index finger up in the air then pointing it accusingly at Frank’s chest to emphasize his point.

“Mathewson is a killer pitcher, you goop. His fadeaway is gonna have your precious Keelerhit and the rest of Brooklyn fanning all season. He’s twice the pitcher than that double crossing Rusie,” Frank responded, slapping Daniel’s hand away from his chest.

“Pardon me, but that is a load of bunk. Mathewson isn’t worth a jitney. At least with Rusie the Giants presented a challenge. No, Mathewson is no Rusie, and he is certainly no McGinnity. Now there is a pitcher worth talking about. Truly the Lord in Heaven has touched that boy’s arm. A true Superba. A true Dodger.” Daniel said, making a sign of the cross over himself and closing his eyes as if in deep prayer.

Frank shoved him in the shoulders, “Dammit, Daniel, there ain’t no way the Holy Spirit would be blessing your Superbas, you louse!”

Daniel stumbled backwards as he was much smaller than Frank, and tripped over a toolbox, landing hard on his back. He glared up at Frank, “Lay off, no need to go getting so snarky about it, you schumck.” Daniel held out his hand for Frank to help him back up, “All I’m saying is that 1901 will be another winning year for the Brooklyn Superbas. That’s all there is, there ain’t no more.”

As Daniel was helped up he looked up into the air, squinting from the painful brilliance of the summer sky. He ran his eyes over the steel rods that were the framework of the building that he and Frank were on construction for. They looked like bony fingers reaching up from the earth, trying to grab the sun. “I can’t believe anyone thinks ol’ Burnham’s Folly will stay up, it’s a God damned triangle for crying out loud. Nothing that high will ever stay up. God won’t stand for people moving into His terrain. He’s bound to knock it down with a mighty wind.”

“Yeah,” Frank said slowly, studying Daniel. He had never understood Daniel’s outlook on religion. He wasn’t anything like the rest of their Catholic family. He didn’t just go to church on Sunday to feel guilty and say a Hail Mary. Their mother would always yell at Daniel for ranting about the dire state of man and for staring off into the distance making vague, profound comments about God and his will. She said that it was blasphemous for him to be talking that way, and that he should stick to what the Bible teaches him if he ever wants to get into Heaven. Frank knew that his passionately critical speeches were only for the attention, but he wished that he would cut it out and get his head on his shoulders right.

Frank turned back to loading the rubble into the wheelbarrow when he saw an unfamiliar figure walking towards them. “Aw shit, here comes the new guy, Daniel. Probably some just off the boat mick whose gonna slow us down like Hell.”

The man walked up to them in his yet unstained work boots, overalls, and undershirt. His appearance was plain in almost every way other than a bright red cross with golden vines growing around it that was pinned to his overalls over his heart. His face was soft yet focused looking as he took short, confident steps towards Daniel and Frank. They both watched him approach; analyzing what kind of worker he would be from his demeanor. As he drew nearer they both noticed the man’s powerful eyes that seemed to look through them. Daniel hesitated a moment, then stuck his hand out towards the stranger.

"Name’s Daniel Avery and this here’s my side kick and brother Frank Avery,” Daniel introduced, shaking hands and nodding his head towards Frank who was still looking at the man’s eyes. “Pretty much all we do is take all this rumble here, and wheel it over there out of the way. It’s nothing hard and it’s good honest work for a man at 15 cents an hour. So what’s your name, fella?”

“John,” the man answered simply, in a quiet reserved tone.

“Well it’s nice to have you on, John. Now how about you help me and Frank toss some of these stones into the wheelbarrow and bring them over the other side of the site?”

The three men went back to the pile, loading up rocks, and wheeling them over to another pile further off site and dumping them. They did this as the sun rose higher into the sky, escaping the grasp of the rigid steel fingers of the Fuller Building. As the sun moved overhead the heat intensified and pushed heavily upon the construction workers, causing sweat to drip heavily from their brows and their movement to become more sluggish. The heat of the sun added a more weight to each rock that needed to be lifted, and made the wheelbarrows harder to push. The wood of the handlebars grew white hot in the light making each back and forth trip a rite of passage for the workers.

Once while Frank was at the pile on the other side of the site, Daniel leaned against the cool dark side of a steel pillar that was near where he and John were working. He pulled his handkerchief from his pocket to wipe down his face then once again stared up into the blue sky.

“So what do you think of all this, John?”

John kept his eyes down, focusing on piling more stones into his cart, giving no indication that he had heard Daniel.

“Some people see this building going up and think it’s a regular humdinger, a lollapalooza, an achievement of modern society. I don’t see that at all.” Daniel looked back over to John to look for a response, but received nothing.

Daniel continued, speaking to the sky. “No, I don’t see at all what they see. This skyscraper is exactly that, it’s grating against God’s creation. Once we finish this building it will tear a hole in the sky, like a knife pressed against soft flesh, and all Hell is gonna pour out. All this industrializing isn’t good for man’s soul. False prophet tycoons with their material goods are corrupting society. Rockefeller’s oil and Judah’s railroad. The loss of human dignity as we all come to America and are sent into the industrial shops is horrifying. Men falling into meat grinders, children losing fingers to harsh chemicals, it’s unnatural. Godless cement spreading out of the cities like blood from a dead deer. But no one cares; everyone’s letting their eyes adjust to the darkness of mechanical precision as they move out of God’s light. Everyone’s become worse than the most brutal tribes of the wild, more ruthless than jungle law. Everyone is biting and scratching to get one more penny ahead in life at the expense of every paddy and ginzo that stands in their way. Manifest Destiny and the American Dream have become man’s dying words.”

Daniel heard that John had stopped piling rocks and turned looked back to him for his reaction. To Daniel’s surprise John was standing erect, staring directly at him with his powerful, watery eyes. Daniel opened his mouth to continue but lost the air in his lungs. He stammered slack jawed before falling silent. The stared at each other for a few moments before Frank returned and broke the silence.

“Hey Daniel, quit chewin’ the fat and let’s hotfoot up to Hanley’s and see if there’re any knockouts while we get a pint.”

Frank set his barrel on the ground and walked away, leaving John and Daniel to continue silently staring at one another. After a moment, John walked away in the opposite direction that Frank had gone. Daniel fell to his knees, his eyes still unblinking as small tears begin to drip down onto his cheek. He slowly rose back up, headed off to follow Frank to the pub.

Daniel walked into Hanley’s a few minutes after Frank, seemingly in a haze. He slowly walked across the smoky bar to where his brother was sitting, weaving in and out of the dense gathering of patrons that frequented the place, and sat on a stool next to him.

“Hey two for the Avery brother’s alright, Sam? It’s been a long day up at the site, hasn’t it brother?” Frank shouted across the counter to the bartender, wrapping his arm around Daniel’s shoulder and shaking him. As he laughed heartily he looked at his brother and noticed him staring vacantly at the wall of liquor with watery eyes. “What’s gotten into you, Daniel?”

Daniel was slow to respond, “I was talking to John, he…”

“Oh don’t pay any mind to that two bit schmuck,” Frank interrupted, “that nut gave me the willies with those creepy eyes of his. Here have a swig of this, it’ll take your mind off of whatever he said to you, brother. Gettin’ loaded is always good for clearing a man’s thoughts,” Frank said as he handed Daniel a tall glass of ale that they both downed immediately.

After several more drinks Frank was becoming more and more gregarious while Daniel seemed to be slipping further into a comatose state. “Oh c’mon Daniel, you’re really starting to get on my nerves acting like a pantywaist like that. What’s eating you?”

Daniel looked up at his brother without really looking at him. “Frank, John was God. I’m absolutely sure of it.”

“Oh cut the crap, Daniel. What’s put that into your head?”

“The way he looked at me today, he had eyes like God, Frank… like God.”

“I think you’ve had a little too much of the hooch tonight, brother. None more for this one Sam, he’s already tanked up!” Frank yelled to the bartender.

Daniel quickly rose up and grabbed Frank by the top of his overalls, slamming him into a nearby wall. “I’m serious Frank, that guy was God come to earth. He looked into my soul, he judged me, Frank. He condemned me for what I said to him.”

“You’re drunk Daniel,” Frank harshly said back to Daniel, pushing him away back into his stool, “Why don’t you go home and sleep it off alright? We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

Frank then stormed out of the bar, leaving Daniel alone to have everyone’s eyes fall upon him for a moment, before going back to their own drinks.

The next day John didn’t show up at the construction site to transfer the dusty rocks from one pile to the other. He didn’t show up for the rest of the week, or the week after that, and no one else around the site had seen him or heard anything about him when Frank began to ask around. Daniel’s mental state grew worse and worse, no longer willing to talk about baseball, or Shackleton’s expedition, or even about his views on the construction of other skyscrapers around New York. Soon he stopped talking all together, except for occasionally mumbling “His eyes…” quietly to himself. Eventually Frank put it upon himself to track down John to put an end to his brother’s misery. He went to his manager to find out what he could about John.

“Hey, Horace, I need to talk to you.”

“What? Is this about your nutty brother, Frank? You better get him in shape, he’s riding on thin ice as it is right now. I don’t need him actin’ like a lush around here all day.”

“Yeah, I’m trying to help him out here. Do you have any information about that guy John who worked here a few weeks ago?”

“John? C’mon Frank, there’s a thousand John’s that come in and out of here.”

“This one was only here one day, and he had a bright red cross on his chest.”

Horace thought for a moment, looking up and scratching under his chin, before saying, “Yeah, I remember him. That guy with the crazy eyes.”

“Yes, him, can you tell me anything about him? Where he lives?”

“Sure, if it means getting Daniel out of such raggedy condition. Just don’t let the brass find out I was givin’ out this info or they’d can me,” Horace said, grabbing a file out of a cabinet and opening it up. “He lives at… that little apartment building down on Rivington in the Lower East Side.”

“Thanks, Horace.”

Frank took a streetcar down into the overpopulated Lower East Side, eventually finding the lone small apartment on Rivington. As he approached he noticed how it was the most rundown building on the street, as if no one had lived there for many years, and if they had they didn’t care about up keeping. When he stepped inside he asked for the tenant at the front counter. An old man of about 60 approached Frank.

“Hello, I’m looking for someone who lives here by the name of John?” Frank implored.

“John? Why would you be looking for him?” the man responded, eyeing Frank suspiciously.

Frank decided it would be easier to lie than to explain his brother’s problem to the old man. “He skunked my friend out of 5 dollars the other day, I’m trying to find him and do him in.”

The man continued to look over Frank, not seeming to buy his story. “Well he ain’t here. He ain’t been here for a few weeks in fact. Police showed up and took him up to Utica. He’s probably sleepin’ like a baby now in one of them cribs.”

“Utica? The lunatic asylum?” Frank asked in disbelief.

“Yep, that would be the one. I was told the boy was retarded, that the police caught him starting fights in some bars, yellin’ all to hell to the other patients about this and that. Course I coulda told the police that boy was slow without any sort of tests. Never sayin’ a word whenever you talked to him, just starin’ back at you with those big cow eyes. Boy was just not quite right in the head.”

Frank never did tell Daniel what he found out, but instead watched him slip further into a depression, all of his youthful energy sapped from him. He continued to insist that John was God and that he had judged him. Daniel said that John had shown him that his beliefs were misguided, and that he had it all wrong. That he was missing the big picture. He said that he had lost all direction in his life and needed to talk to John again to be shown the way. Later when Daniel began showing suicidal tendencies Frank to committed him to the Utica Insane Asylum. When Daniel asked where he was being taken, Frank told him, “You’re going to talk to God, Daniel.”

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

This I Believe [V4]

“The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth”
-Chinese Proverb

“It’s beautiful, all of it, isn’t it?”

The words drifted from my Grandpa through the thick, steamy July air and settled down all around us. He had a far off look in his eye that someone gets whenever their eyes turn away from the outside world and back in onto their own thoughts, as if being told a secret.

We were straying aimlessly around the anchor on our little boat in the middle of the immense Ranier, waiting for the fasting fish to break their spiritual resolutions. We had both taken our shirts and socks off to try and cope with the heat, hoping the sweat on our skin would pick up the slightest hint of the absent breeze. The air was stagnant and had a sticky but fresh smell from the looming pines of a nearby island. The sun was high overhead, pulsating heat through the vacant blue sky. The rocking of the boat had lulled me into a balmy haze when my Grandpa's words sleepily reached my ears.

He saw being in nature as more than just pastime recreation, something there to be used for our own means of entertainment. To him it was an art and a connection to something deeper. All around my grandparent’s house, located on the northern rim of Minnesota, there are vast and expansive woodlands and fields to wander through. He would teach me about all the wildlife and fauna that we passed. I was stunned when he explained how everything was in its right place, how everything relied on everything else to survive, and how each blade of grass, half-buried stone, and piece of bark was a miracle all its own. He also said that people had their own place along these things. I asked him where that was and he said that he was still trying to find out.

When his words reached me on the boat, I took them in as part of the world that was all around us, the world that my Grandpa had come to love. It blended in with the soft lapping of waves against the hull, the hushed rustle of branches caught in the wind, and the distant whir of a boat engine heading out into the glassy waters. It was just one watery breath among the cataract that is the whispered secret of nature. When I glanced to see if he had anything more to say, he looked back at me with an simple smile and asked, “Well, my boy, isn't time that we get going?”

My Grandpa believed that we all had a place in this world and that all we had to do was listen carefully to find out where it was. It is his belief that now lives on in me.

This I Believe [V3]

“The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth”
-Chinese Proverb

“It’s beautiful, all of it, isn’t it?”

The words drifted from my Grandpa through the thick, steamy July air and settled down all around us. He had a far off look in his eye that someone gets whenever their eyes turn away from the outside world and back in onto their own thoughts, as if being told a secret.

We were aimlessly drifting around the anchor on our little boat in the middle of the immense Ranier, not overly concerned about the lack of biting fish. We had both taken our shirts and socks off to try and cope with the heat, hoping the sweat on our skin would pick up the slightest hint of an absent breeze. The air was stagnant but had a strong pleasant smell from the looming pines of a nearby island. The torrid sun was high overhead, pulsating heat through the vacant blue sky. The gentle rocking of the boat had lulled me into a warm haze until my Grandfather's words sleepily met my ears.

My Grandpa saw being in nature as more than just pastime recreation, something there to be used for our own means of entertainment. To him it was an art and a connection to something deeper. All around my grandparent’s house, located on the northern rim of Minnesota, there are vast and expansive woodlands and fields to wander through. He would teach me about all the wildlife and fauna that we passed. I was stunned when he explained how everything was in its right place, how everything relied on everything else to survive, and how each blade of grass, half-buried stone, and piece of bark was a miracle all its own. He also said that people had their own place along these things. I asked him where that was and he said that he was still trying to find out.

When his words reached me on the boat, I took them in as part of the world that was all around us, the world that my Grandpa had come to love. It blended in with the soft lapping of waves against the hull, the hushed rustle of branches caught in the wind, and the distant whir of a boat engine heading out into the glassy waters. It was just one watery breath among the cataract that is the whispered secret of nature. When I glanced to see if he had anything more to say, he looked back at me with an simple smile and asked, “Well, my boy, isn't time that we get going?”

My Grandpa believed that we all had a place in this world and that all we had to do was listen carefully to find out where it was. It is his belief that now lives on in me.

This I Believe [V2]

“The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth”
-Chinese Proverb

“It’s beautiful, all of it, isn’t it?”

The words drifted from my Grandpa through the thick, steamy July air and settled down all around us. He had that far off look in his eye that someone gets whenever their eyes turn away from the outside world and back in onto their own thoughts, as if being told a secret. We were aimlessly drifting around the anchor on our little boat in the middle of the immense Ranier, hoping to catch the night’s dinner. The air was stale but had a strong pleasant smell from the looming pines of a nearby island. The sun was high overhead, pounding down heat through the vacant blue sky, an occasional gull or rare Eagle being the only inhabitants. We had both taken our shirts and socks off to try and cope with the heat, and began sipping on the cold Sprites that my Grandma had packed for us. The cans were wet from condensation and slid through our already sweaty palms forcing us to use the rubbery VFW cupholders that were in the glove compartment.

My Grandpa saw being in nature as more than just pastime recreation, something there to be used for our own means of entertainment. To him it was an art and a connection to something deeper. All around my grandparent’s house, located on the northern rim of Minnesota, there are vast and expansive woodlands and fields to wander through, where he would teach me about all the wildlife and fauna that we passed, its purpose with everything else around it. I was stunned when he explained how everything was in its right place, how everything relied on everything else to survive, and how each blade of grass, half-buried stone, and piece of bark was a miracle all its own. My Grandpa also said that people had their own place next to these things. I asked him where that was and he said that he was still trying to find out.

When his words reached me back on the boat, I simply took them in as part of the world that was all around me, the world that my Grandpa had come to love. It blended in with the soft lapping of waves against the hull, the hushed rustle of branches caught in the wind, and the distant whir of a boat engine heading out into the glassy waters. When I looked to see if he had anything more to say, he looked back at me with a childlike smile and asked, “Well, how about those sandwiches Grandma packed?”

I believe he knew humanity’s place on the earth as just another gear in the larger clockwork of existence. It is his belief that now lives on in me.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

This I Believe [V1]

“The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth”
-Chinese Proverb

When I was a boy our family would go up to my grandparent’s house in the distant Northern Minnesota in the town of International Falls several times each summer. This was home to my Grandpa Fred and Grandma Marcella, and it would be the place where I would do most of my growing, both at the time and later on while looking back on it and reflecting.

A trip to my grandparent’s house meant many things to me as a boy, including bountiful feasts of my Grandmother’s home cooking, playing pool and pinball in the basement, and playing Cribbage at the dining room table. It also meant picking fresh vegetables out of the miniature garden that my Grandmother dutifully tended, or the way she would insist on going on mid-day walks to chat with the neighbors about how much I’ve grown since the last visit. But what has become most important to me over the years is that it also meant an opportunity for me to spend time with my Grandfather in nature.

All around my grandparent’s house there was vast and expansive woodlands and fields to wander through as a child where I would learn from my Grandfather which plants were and were not poisonous, how to know if a deer had gone through the path and if any fawns were with them, and where the large boulder creatively nicknamed by me as “Big Rock” was, and how to find my way there and back. We would also go out onto the waters of Lake Ranier and the Rainy River. He would teach me the natural landmarks, where the Walleye liked to hide, and how to properly take a nap on the boat without having your rod go over the edge when a fish took the bait.

It was during one of these fishing excursions in the middle of the summer that my Grandfather would hint at his philosophy towards nature. On a particularly blistering July day it was only the two of us out on our small boat in the middle of the motionlessly flat lake, waiting for the fasting fish to break their spiritual resolution. We had both taken our shirts and socks off to try and cope with the heat, and sipped on the cold Sprites that my Grandmother had packed for us. During a quiet spell my Grandfather got a far off look in his eye and simply said, “It’s beautiful, all of it, isn’t it, Cooper?”

The profound meaning of this statement was certainly loss on me at the time, but in retrospect it is something that has truly lasted with me. My Grandfather saw being in nature as more than just pastime recreation, something there to be used for our own means of entertainment, to him it was an art and a connection to something deeper. I believe he knew humanity’s place on the earth and it is his beliefs that now live on in me.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Desires from Modern Suburbia [Matrix Final?]

I earnestly desire to be affected spiritually
to have God whisper gentle words to me while I sleep
and fill my lungs with zealous fever

Or to find a sense of inner balance in the I Ching
and to know that every speck of dust, blade of grass, and human being
has its place

Or to struggle to grasp the infinity that is a day and night of Brahma
and be humbled by the immensity of the gods
waiting for the violent dance of Vishnu and Shiva to end

I want to find my inspiration like the old Romantics did
discovering divinity in the petals of a white oleander
and purpose in the sweeping surges of mountain rock
or to see a reflection of myself
in the mighty roots of an ancient redwood digging deep into earth

I long to be galvanized by something larger than my existence
to find a beautiful truth in the ugliest of places
in a vast and terrible war or on a sun-drenched beach in Algeria
or at a dirty carousel in an early morning downpour

I need my own vision quest
my own Anne Frank
my own Mt. Eerie
my own Vietnam
my own Plague
my own Walden Pond

but all I have is this life of
suburban comfort
and television warmth
with the droning lullaby of fluorescent lights

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Desires from Modern Suburbia [Matrix v3]

I earnestly desire to be affected spiritually
to have God whisper gentle words to me while I sleep
and fill my lungs with zealous fever

Or to find a sense of inner balance in the I Ching
and to know that every speck of dust, blade of grass, and human being
has its place

Or struggle to grasp the infinity that is a day and night of Brahma
and be humbled by the immensity of the gods
as we wait for the violent dance of Vishnu and Shiva to end

I want to find my inspiration like the old Romantics did
finding divinity in the petals of a white oleander
and purpose in the sweeping surges of mountain rock
or to see a reflection of myself
in the mighty roots of an ancient redwood digging deep into earth

I long to be galvanized by something larger than my existence
to find a beautiful truth in the ugliest of places
in a vast and terrible war or on a sun drenched beach in Algeria
or at a dirty carousel in an early morning downpour

I need my own vision quest
my own Anne Frank
my own Mt. Eerie
my own Vietnam
my own Plague
my own Walden Pond

but all I have is this life of
suburban comfort
and television warmth
surrounded by godless cement

Desires from Modern Suburbia [Matrix V2]

I earnestly desire to be affected spiritually
for God to whisper moving words to me while I sleep
and fill my lungs with zealous fever

Or to find a sense of inner balance in the I Ching
and to know that every speck of dust, blade of grass, and human being
has its place

Or struggle to grasp the infinity that is a day and night of Brahma
and be humbled by the immensity of the gods
as we wait for the dance of Vishnu and Shiva to end

I want to find my inspiration like the old Romantics did
finding divinity in the petals of a white oleander
and purpose in the sweeping surges of mountain rock
or a reflection of myself
in the mighty roots of an ancient redwood digging deep into earth

I want to be moved by something larger than my existence
to find a beautiful truth in the ugliest of places
in a great and terrible war or on a sun drenched beach in Algeria
or at a carousel in an early morning downpour

I need my own vision quest
my own Anne Frank
my own Mt. Eerie
my own Vietnam
my own Plague
my own Walden Pond

but all I have is this life of
suburban comfort
and television warmth
surrounded by godless cement

Matrix piece [V1]

I earnestly desire to be affected spiritually
for God to whisper to me while I sleep
and fill my lungs with zealous fever

Or to find a sense of inner balance in the I Ching
and to know that every speck of dust, blade of grass, and human being
has its place

Or to fail to grasp the infinity that is Brahman
and be humbled by the immensity of the gods
as our brief life slips by

I want to find my inspiration like the old Romantics did
divinity in the petals of a white oleander
purpose in the sweeping surges of mountain rock
or reflection in the mighty roots of a redwood digging deep into earth


I want to be moved by something larger than my existence
to find beautiful truth in the ugliest of places
in a great and terrible war or on a sun drenched beach in Algeria

I need my own vision quest
my own Anne Frank
my own Mt. Eerie
my own Vietnam
my own carousel on a rainy day
my own plague
my own Walden Pond

but all I have is this life